This is an excerpt from Barack Obama’s speech delievered at National Democratic Convention
Hello virginia, howdoyoudoin?? Before I start talking, and you start clapping, would like to tell you that this speech is written by me.. The speech writer, Jon Favreau, called me to say that his grandma is ill, and he won’t be able to write those Oscar winning lines for me.. Well of course, I am not buying that story.. He could be banging Michelle in the presidential suite or the Lincoln bedroom, while I’m speaking to ya’ homies..
First of all let me begin with congratulating our fellow americans, who brought us 48 gold medals at the olympics.. I want those medals, mahn!! Bling always looks good on niggas like us!! Lil wayne, lil john, snoop dogg!! They look so cute with those gold jewelry around their neck!! I could be a better rapper than a president..
Who gives a shit about economy??
When we can easily nuke IRAN..
All ya’ dickheads, follow me,
In saying, ‘LONG LIVES UNCLE SAM’
Cool lines huh?? I still regret the day, when I chose to say “the real America please stand up” instead of saying “the real slim shady please stand up”
Mitt Romney, the republican candidate, thinks its a cool job being the president.. Believe me, it ain’t dat easy, neither interesting.. Its a helluva job trying to understand the Third World English of Asif ali zardari, or understanding Manmohan singh’s silence, or telling the difference between the Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese foreign diplomats, or screwing Oprah, to get on her show (you can strike that of the records.) It ain’t that easy boy..
But I know, that he’s not gonna win the election.. Cuz he ain’t gotcha a ‘B’ in his initial’s like B. Clinton, George B, or B. Obama.. He ain’t got a super hot wife like me.. He doesn’t knows to dance.. He ain’t gotta controversial middle name like Hussein.. And most importantly, he ain’t BLACK!! I know each and everyone gathered here, are going to vote for me.. Cause you wanna avoid the you-dint-vote-for-the-black-guy-cause-you-are-a-racist confrontation.. Plus as it is evident from every speech of mine, I’ll say my favorite line.. The question.. Who will be the 45th president of America?? The answer is spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled – Americans.. So many answers poured in.. You dickheads..!! Can’t you make out that it was a rhetoric question?? It never needed an answer!! Phew.. Anyways, continuing, Americans have always sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.. Not because we are united, but because we like the acronym U.S.A!! Google says, we are the only country with an acronym!! But yeah, google’s headquarters is in Mountain View, California, USA.. So its bound to be partial..
So, pals, here comes my favorite part.. The end.. When after the curtain falls, I peacefully go and smoke some weed, and get high.. Thank you. God bless you and God bless the United States of America.
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