Kiss

He was gazing into her eyes. Wave after wave of love crashed the shore, in his reflection. The world around him paused and waited in anticipation. Even the air around him lingered for a while to gaze at them. Love is in the air, they said. Well said.

This was the moment. The only one surer of moment-certainty of this magnitude in history, was perhaps Glenn McDuffie when he ran across the street to kiss the nurse, when the Second World War was declared over. Kiss her, now! He held her in his hand and brought her face close to his and…

BANG!

Straight into her nose, he hit.

The art of kissing the right way is like that back-heel you pull off in football. You won’t know how to do it unless you try. Though the number of consenting adults who will be willing to try with you would be less than that the number of times Israel and Palestine would have honoured the ceasefire, the eternal search continues. It’s always better to know a few rules, right from the outset, to practise a kiss. You certainly won’t want your first impression to be the final nail in the coffin of your long term hopes.

Everyone nose it.

Make the alignment of your face correct before you lean forward. C’mon, it’s not as difficult as the Earth’s alignment with the galactic center. It saves you from being embarrassed and your partner’s nose from looking like Rudolf.

alignment

It sucks.

You know how the vacuum cleaner works? Good. Chances of your partner knowing it, would be pretty decent as well. You are not doing her any good, by demonstrating her your sucking abilities after you latch onto her tongue. You are a human, not a dementor.

dementor

Mind your tongue.

The urge to force in the tongue is too enticing to ignore. However, don’t let it loose like a withering electric eel. It’s your partner’s mouth, not some 16 ft by 12 ft swimming pool. Do it the Buddhist way. The calmer, the fiercer.

Don’t let the feeling stink in. 

While your partner is passionately trying to devour you, he/she wouldn’t really like your mouth to remind them of their grandmother’s socks. The mouth fresheners were invented for a reason. This reason.

Chew-tiyapa.

It is a normal routine for many people to chew on things like gums, MnM’s, candies. But make sure you spit it out, before you make out. It is not cool to play Hide and Seek with your gum, by placing it under your tongue (or your partner’s).

Don’t say while the sun shines.

A kiss is like a wine. It is supposed to be enjoyed till the taste lasts in the mouth. You would be violating the 11th Commandment by asking her what is she feeling like, or what is the gross GDP of Mozambique, with your tongue still inside her. Thou shalt not hiss while you kiss.

A kiss is a simple trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. It is a person’s signature. It is the framework on which the relationship is sewed upon. It makes a  person feel happy, pacifying his innermost worries. So the world would be a much happier place if we kiss. The right way, that is.

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